Wait and See

My garden did not fare well this winter. Drought and frigid temperatures put many plants in peril. After discussing with an expert how to save my plants, I came to understand that what they need is time to heal and renew themselves. She suggested that we "wait and see" how they do. Hmmm...that might mean a season without an abundance of color in my yard. My garden has so much potential and I am always in a hurry to see it bloom.

But this summer, I will be supporting the survival skills of my plants, not their prolific blossoms. I will have to love them just as they are, battered by the dry, windy New Mexico Spring. I will provide nutrients and care then I will "wait and see."

There is a metaphor here for me about how I interact with my garden of family and friends. I tend to see potential in others and harbor a desire for them to reach higher or deeper or to bring about big changes in their lives. Isn't that what we do when we care, when we love someone? We nudge that potential along. Yes?

Well, actually, no! Loving the potential is not loving the person. Loving the potential sets expectations. And whether our loved ones embrace our expectations or resist, we have taken them off course, denying them their journey through life with its vast set of choices and outcomes.

If we "wait and see," just be their witness, we honor the journey and love the journeyer. We free them from our expectations and we free ourselves, as well, to love them for who they are right now, in this moment. So "wait and see," become a witness in your garden of family and friends. Let them be tested by drought and cold and then choose their own path to survival.

Great Expectations!

I was watching the fledgling eagles this morning on www.ustream.tv/channel/decorah-eagles, the link given in my last entry. Their soft gray downy feathers are gone, replaced by smooth black feathers that cover substantial flapping wings! Soon these little guys and gals will take off into the world. Think about it...they have never been out of the nest yet they will soar into the unknown, setting off with no expectations about flying, catching dinner or building a life without mom and dad.

What would it be like for us to take flight without expectation? I do admit we need to anticipate and plan (those of you who know me know I do it only too well). Whatever it is...a trip to plan, a new child being born into the family, a wedding coming up...a certain amount of logistics are necessary. However, the danger is that when we plan logistics we also create expectations about outcome.

This is where we often get in trouble. It's great when our expectations are not met but we perceive the outcome as even better; we call that a miracle. But if the outcome seems flawed, we are discouraged. Our expectations shape our perceptions and we seldom perceive miracles when we are disappointed, worried or upset.

What if we shed some of our old expectations and the belief system that informs them? There must be some expectation you have right now that you could leave behind in the nest. Keep the logistics, your personal flight plan; you need that. But then step out of the nest, soar into the unknown and be open to life's miracles as they unfold all around you. That's my plan for that wedding that's coming up.

Returning to the Nest

Here is the link to a site where you can watch, in real time, bald eagle parents raising their young. www.ustream.tv/channel/decorah-eagles. Dad brings home the prey: rabbits, rodents and fish. Mom plucks out the innards to feed to the kids. And at any given time there may be as many as 150,000 humans watching. I'm intrigued by this whole thing for two reasons.

1. This mom and dad act with such purpose, preparing the nest, creating eggs, keeping them warm until they hatch, and then nurturing and nourishing their offspring. They are vigilant but not fearful. They are protective but not stressed. They snatch prey with efficiency and cunning, sacrificing the prey so the predator can live. There is no drama; there is simply a purpose-filled life. I'm curious...what would our lives be like without the stress, anger, regret and revenge that lies below the surface of all our personal and collective dramas. Would we live with the same efficiency, clarity and purpose as these magnificent creatures? Are they teaching us how we can live more fulfilling lives? Take a look and let me know what you think.

2. When you tune in to watch, you will be join by 90,000 to 160,000 other humans. It's amazing to me that, in real time, we are all sharing this common experience, wanting to see babies take their first tentative steps across the nest, eat yummy fish innards, and topple over each other as they settle in for a nap. How hopeful and refreshing that we have left behind the insanity of our man-made world for a glimpse into the wonder of the natural world. And, better yet, we are not alone.

Eat Chocolate

I have friend named Maximilian, a very charming and wise man. The other day I asked him what advice he would give me about life and he said "Eat chocolate and say YES!" Many of you know that I rarely eat chocolate even though I think it tastes heavenly. Well, I decided to have a piece, at his urging. It was rich and smooth and tasted so good that everything else faded away. Ahhh...this was Max's point. The sensual experience of eating chocolate took me inward. I stopped thinking and talking and just relished the sensation. As Max would say - think less, feel more. I bet there are lots of ways to apply that adage. Eating chocolate was certainly a good way to start.

The part about saying "yes" was a bit more challenging. I decided I would try saying "yes" at every opportunity during my day: running late for an appointment, having a great talk with my son, being annoyed with a friend, a misunderstanding with my husband, a good yoga practice. Then in addition, I would say "yes" to the politics of the day, earthquakes and our severe winter drought. As I said "yes" more and more throughout my day, I discovered that "yes" was a testimony, a declaration of my power. That despite the complexities of life unfolding all around me, a big, bold "YES" was a clear assertion of my intention to live my life with grace and gratitude. Max describes "YES" as a big warm bear hug. As I said, Max is very wise.

Nature's Lessons

I went to the Galapagos Islands in January and, as predicted in my last blog, swam with a sea turtle. I had visions of her before I left and then there she was circling me with graceful strokes and ancient wisdom.

These amazing islands contain their own great wisdom. They pulse as one magnificent organism, every creature having the single purpose of survival and yet the global purpose of being in balanced, harmonious relationship to the whole. Hawks attack vulnerable baby birds hunkered down in their nests. Delicate pink flamingos adapt to living on jagged, harsh lava flows. Small colorful fish clean the algae from the backs of giant, crusty sea turtles. Each creature has the will and means to survive. And each acts responsibly and efficiently in doing so, assuming its role in the order and fluidity of the Natural World.

This is our World too. But we suffer from the illusion that we are separate from Nature and that it holds little or no meaning for us. Yet, watching the animals interact, I saw them demonstrate so many important lessons about life and death, adapting to one's environment, soaring with one's fullest potential and being in right and balanced relationship with all those in the circle of life. I am grateful for Nature opening me to her wisdom. I encourage you to look into your day and see the opportunities to let die what does not serve you so that you can live more fully, to accept openly what your day has to offer, to shine with all your potential and to be in harmony with your partner, your co-worker, your parent, your child.

Eagle's Eye View

My New Year's Resolution is to hone an eagle's eye view of my life. When I feel annoyed,irritated or stressed, I plan to fly up into the nearest tree or to soar over the landscape of my life to get a broader perspective. This week, I'm getting ready for a trip (as many of you know, that happens fairly often). This time I am going out of the country, and there are more details than usual to consider. From my familiar place on the ground, it looks like a lot of scrambling for here to there, collecting and organizing what I need. But from my perch high above, I clearly see a network, all connected for my behalf. The man at the diving shop who sold me my new snorkel mask is linked to the neighbor who is taking in the mail, who is linked to the pilot of my plane, who is linked to the sea turtle with whom I plan to swim. It's like one big living organism, all in cahoots to support me and guide me on my journey. From up here it is awesome to behold.

I Have No Words!

This post begins in dreamland, like the last one I wrote. In this dream I was visited by a huge sea mammal. I asked her what kind of animal she was and was told it is not important. She simply wanted me to "come on in and feel who I am." So I did. I became huge yet I swam with grace. Water swished across my body and shafts of sunlight hung in the water above me. I flapped my flippers and glided with ease while little fish darted by, tickling my skin. I knew this animal, and I needed no words or categories to describe her.

As my day unfolded, I took several opportunities to ignore descriptive vocabulary and look, feel, smell and touch instead. I inhaled the scent of lavender oil; I tasted the smoothness of homemade hummus on my tongue; and I felt music coming from my heart. But, of course, I have no words to describe to you the experience. Each experience began with my senses; from there I dove in and made a connection. If I had begun my experience with words I would only have skimmed the surface and never had the chance to swim in the depths of the sea.

Jail Time

Last night I dreamed I was in jail. As the dream evolved I realized I was the one who had actually built the jail and even chosen my jailers. Amusingly, I could leave my cell everyday for lunch and then return again later.

When I awoke this morning I wondered...is this what I do in my life...create my own jails and hire my own jailers? I would have to say...yes, I do. I construct my cell of daily pressures, disappointments and annoyances then choose my jailers from those I perceive expect too much, cause me stress or let me down. I lock myself up.

Yet, I have the key to my freedom, right in my pocket. After all, in my dream, I opened the door and took a break for lunch! Just before I woke up, the jail vanished and I expanded to fill its space, all beauty and light. Lying in bed, I set an intention to bring more freedom into the day. So despite all of the twists and turns in my imperfect day, I opened several jail doors and fired a few jailers and came through the day happier and very grateful for my freedom!

In the Dark

The power went out in our neighborhood the other night. I had so many things planned for the evening and there I was in total darkness. At first every step was uncertain; what would I bump into? I kept thinking it would end any minute and there would be light again. Then I got it...why try to navigate when I could just relax and soak up the darkness? Instead of being uncertain; I decided to be curious and open to the "mystery." I found that as I became more present in the darkness, the more light there seemed to be. The moonless sky was brilliant with stars stretching into space. I began to recall memories of starry nights long ago; my imagination began to play and the night became magical. Who needs the electric grid?!?!!? We really do have the power to create our own light.

New Moon Meditation

The Moon is in the darkest part of her cycle today, the New Moon, when the light dies away and we linger and await its renewal. During this time, from the depths of the darkness our deepest emotions can swim to the surface. We all know the dark emotions of fear, anger and grief and can recognize their effects in our everyday lives. On an energetic level, these emotions can short-circuit our loving nature. They can muddy our relationships, cloud our judgment and even clog our organs and cells.

In the darkness of the new moon, take a few moments in meditation to sit quietly with your emotions. Pick one…fear, anger or grief. Acknowledge the thoughts or the story that is attached to that feeling. Then let it go and sit with just the emotion. Don’t resist it. In fact, acknowledge it, give it the respect it deserves! Just let it become detached from you. Be an observer of it. You may discover that the emotion does not seem so dark and troubling. In fact, as the light of the moon returns you may step into that light and find it shining through to your more truly creative and joyful nature.