Zumba!

With the New Year comes the inevitable looking forward and aspiring to change. We admit that somehow our current thinking or behavior is not serving us so we write resolutions and set goals for the future. My resolution is to exercise my heart; my plan is to start Zumba classes. Resolutions test my will to change and consequently can create a real effort in reaching my destination. So I want to be sure I don't limit myself to resolutions; I also want to set intentions.

Here's the distinction. Intentions require no projection into the future, therefore no goals and planning. What a relief! Intentions simply define what it is I want to access within myself, today, now. There is no effort to create a new behavior, only the effort of focus on my capacity to be exactly who I want to be. So here is my intention; it’s to BE “heart-healthy.” For me that means bringing awareness and attention to my already HUGE capacity for gratitude and generosity. I can access my healthy heart in any given moment in time and then freely express it into the world...I'll let that car into my lane of traffic, forgive that friend with whom I am angry, breath in the beauty of the new-fallen snow, give all the time in the world to hear what someone wants to share, smell the stew cooking on the stove. It is all effortless!

Now we’ll see how I do with Zumba….

December's Gift

Last week, the Full Moon was eclipsed in darkness. Next week we pass through the Winter Solstice then three days later we encounter the New Moon. Many of us are very eager at this time of year for the light to return and the days to get longer. But instead we are being offered these extraordinary opportunities to be in darkness. I encourage you to surrender to it. To the night, the black sky, and to the dark, mysterious parts of your own nature. Rest there, trust the unknown and feel the excitement and adventure of what you have yet to discover. The possibilities are endless. Soon the light will find you again and shine on the newness you choose to bring forth. It is an extraordinary season that can be filled with hope and anticipation if we just allow it. I wish you the peace and renewal it offers.

I would also like to express my gratitude to all of you who have shared my practice with me this year, whether in private sessions, workshops or circles, reading my blog or newsletter or just by asking me how it is all going. With great joy, I report that my practice continues to evolve and grow and I plan to highlight the changes with a makeover of my website. It will be up and running in January, so stay tuned.

The Bigger Picture

The other day I was looking at a photo of a family taken in the 1860's. Everyone had rigid, serious expressions and appeared very unhappy. Of course life was so much more difficult back then; I imagined they had less to smile about. It was easy for me to project. But I had forgotten; the exposure time for a photograph at that point in history was several seconds. Subjects were told to not smile and remain motionless. That changes everything! Maybe they were giggling with excitment just before the photo was taken or laughed themselves silly when they saw those serious faces a few weeks later. My image of them is bigger now, more complex and less predicatble. It is no longer static like their serious faces and my perception of them.

Now fast forward to the present. Is there a situation that you are seeing only as a snapshot? I certainly am. Sometimes I feel only the unhappiness, pain or loss. Then I imagine that there is more going on behind the scene, that there is actually a bigger picture or a deeper truth unfolding. We are all prone to limiting our fields of vision. We hesitate to trust what we don't see and what we don't understand. We wish it could be different and actually grieve for what we think is missing. But really, what lurks in that great unknown just may be the giggles and laughter, and the greatest adventures we could ever imagine.

Earthquake

I recently experienced an earthquake in my life. One minute all was well and then the earth suddenly moved and nothing felt the same. I became ungrounded and disoriented, losing my sense of direction. To be clear, this was a metaphorical earthquake, not a physical one. My emotions tumbled and rocked, like belongings falling from the shelves, shattering on the floor. The trauma has been replaying like aftershocks for days and days.

But the earth is steady now. And I must get my feet firmly planted back on the ground. Although the contour of the landscape has changed, it holds promise. Thanks to the support and love of family and friends, I am recreating my home, sweeping out the debris and restocking the shelves. There is a new order, a new wisdom to my days. It will take time to adjust but I will be patient and will trust in what is to come.

I thank the Earth for reminding me that after the inevitable quakes in our lives, we rebuild, we embrace the gifts of friends and family and we navigate through our emotions until we can bring into focus the new opportunities on the horizon ahead.

Fruition

On June 1st I wrote on my blog about the fragile condition of my garden. I wondered who would survive. It looked iffy for many. I took a “wait and see” approach and committed to loving my garden just the way it was. Well, June and July brought virtually no rain and record heat to the area. I watered and fed my plants; many struggled and some died. Then the rains arrived in August and every living creature breathed a sigh of relief. Now as we cool down and head into fall my garden is full of color and radiance. Miraculously it came to fruition and I love being in it. It seems especially sweet because I know that in a very short time the abundance of blossoms will be gone, taken by the frost and chilly mountain mornings.

As usual, I find a metaphor here for my life. When I pass through a difficult time and emerge firmly rooted and blossoming with the sense that “life is good,” I think I have made it, I’m home. Destination reached; wisdom attained; enlightenment at hand. But, surprise, death awaits and later rebirth with new challenges ahead. The good news is that when that time comes I will be more seasoned, more deeply aware of the power I have to survive and to thrive. All it takes is a little courage and lots of trust that I will bloom again, meeting whatever challenges lie ahead.

Holding Space

I like to have breakfast in this serene space, at a stone table under my favorite pinon tree. Recently, we have had some exhilerating mornings, fresh and clear, following evening rains. As I sit here, I'm surrounded by wet green lichens that grow on the pinon bark. The pinon and lichen relationship is simple, one living organism graciously holding space for another. The pinon is a strong, secure sanctuary for all who settle on or beneath its branches. We feel safe and unencumbered.

In my yoga class there is a woman whom I barely know but she feels like a friend. Her smile radiates and her greeting echos from her very core. Her gracious outreach clearly reflects a personal acceptance, a love and trust of who she is. Like the pinon she too is a sanctuary, rooted in vast and loving resources, reflecting back to us a sense of love and acceptance. Holding space.

To have your own experience of Holding Space, try the following meditation:
Remember a moment when you felt loved. Recall and relive the experience and feel the sensation of love. Let the love rest in your heart. Feel it there. Stay with this sensation for a minute or two.

Now inhale and let your breath rise from your belly into your heart. Feel the breath mingle with the sensation of love that is resting there.

On the exhale send the breath, now inseperable from the sensation of love, out into every tissue of your body. Sense the love all through your body. Continue this pattern of inhale and exhale for a minute or two.

Repeat the last two steps, but now, on the exhale, send the love into the spaces throughout and around your body. Sense its presence there. Continue this breathwork for a minute or two.

Now call to mind an individual** with whom you will interact today. Imagine him or her in front of you in the love-filled space around your body. Continue to inhale into your heart and exhale with love into the spaces in and round your body. Hold no expectations, no needs or wants from this person.

Be an observer of your own experience during the meditation. What was it like to hold this individual in your space? Be an observer of your encounter during the day. Let me know how it goes!

**The first time you do this meditation, pick someone with whom your interaction will be easy. The second time try this with an individual who will challenge you.

Harmony

We spent last weekend in the Rockies. It was so lush and alive, in contrast to the dry, drought-stricken desert around Santa Fe. It was a welcome diversion. While we were there we stumbled upon a Barbershop Music Festival in Silverton, CO. Men in groups of 4 to 100 sang in beautiful harmonies. Before beginning a set, the director would play an opening note and all the men would harmonize with it. They sang above it and below it with boldness and sweetness, sadness and glee. One voice might dart away briefly, only to be welcomed back into harmony with simplicity and ease. No one competed to be heard, no voices took charge in this supportive family of song.

I began to wonder... what if we could all resonate with an "opening note" and bring ourselves into harmony with it. Together our distinct voices could create one beautifully balanced song. Of course, at times, we might choose to change key but, if we know that opening note, we can always return and become regrounded in a spirit of connection and community.

When you wake up tomorrow, lie quiet and still. Now tune in to the opening note. It may be subtle, but sharpen your senses and you will know it’s there. Be patient. You may wonder…am I just imagining it? That's fine...imagination is an excellent assistant. Next you will need to create harmony with the note. Maybe you’ll actually sing with it, or sense vibrations in your head, or heart or throughout your body. How does this new song feel? Now it’s time to get up, get dressed and venture into the world. Surprisingly, if you listen, you can hear the very same harmony all around you. Will you add your voice? I hope so. Have fun!

Wait and See

My garden did not fare well this winter. Drought and frigid temperatures put many plants in peril. After discussing with an expert how to save my plants, I came to understand that what they need is time to heal and renew themselves. She suggested that we "wait and see" how they do. Hmmm...that might mean a season without an abundance of color in my yard. My garden has so much potential and I am always in a hurry to see it bloom.

But this summer, I will be supporting the survival skills of my plants, not their prolific blossoms. I will have to love them just as they are, battered by the dry, windy New Mexico Spring. I will provide nutrients and care then I will "wait and see."

There is a metaphor here for me about how I interact with my garden of family and friends. I tend to see potential in others and harbor a desire for them to reach higher or deeper or to bring about big changes in their lives. Isn't that what we do when we care, when we love someone? We nudge that potential along. Yes?

Well, actually, no! Loving the potential is not loving the person. Loving the potential sets expectations. And whether our loved ones embrace our expectations or resist, we have taken them off course, denying them their journey through life with its vast set of choices and outcomes.

If we "wait and see," just be their witness, we honor the journey and love the journeyer. We free them from our expectations and we free ourselves, as well, to love them for who they are right now, in this moment. So "wait and see," become a witness in your garden of family and friends. Let them be tested by drought and cold and then choose their own path to survival.

Great Expectations!

I was watching the fledgling eagles this morning on www.ustream.tv/channel/decorah-eagles, the link given in my last entry. Their soft gray downy feathers are gone, replaced by smooth black feathers that cover substantial flapping wings! Soon these little guys and gals will take off into the world. Think about it...they have never been out of the nest yet they will soar into the unknown, setting off with no expectations about flying, catching dinner or building a life without mom and dad.

What would it be like for us to take flight without expectation? I do admit we need to anticipate and plan (those of you who know me know I do it only too well). Whatever it is...a trip to plan, a new child being born into the family, a wedding coming up...a certain amount of logistics are necessary. However, the danger is that when we plan logistics we also create expectations about outcome.

This is where we often get in trouble. It's great when our expectations are not met but we perceive the outcome as even better; we call that a miracle. But if the outcome seems flawed, we are discouraged. Our expectations shape our perceptions and we seldom perceive miracles when we are disappointed, worried or upset.

What if we shed some of our old expectations and the belief system that informs them? There must be some expectation you have right now that you could leave behind in the nest. Keep the logistics, your personal flight plan; you need that. But then step out of the nest, soar into the unknown and be open to life's miracles as they unfold all around you. That's my plan for that wedding that's coming up.

Returning to the Nest

Here is the link to a site where you can watch, in real time, bald eagle parents raising their young. www.ustream.tv/channel/decorah-eagles. Dad brings home the prey: rabbits, rodents and fish. Mom plucks out the innards to feed to the kids. And at any given time there may be as many as 150,000 humans watching. I'm intrigued by this whole thing for two reasons.

1. This mom and dad act with such purpose, preparing the nest, creating eggs, keeping them warm until they hatch, and then nurturing and nourishing their offspring. They are vigilant but not fearful. They are protective but not stressed. They snatch prey with efficiency and cunning, sacrificing the prey so the predator can live. There is no drama; there is simply a purpose-filled life. I'm curious...what would our lives be like without the stress, anger, regret and revenge that lies below the surface of all our personal and collective dramas. Would we live with the same efficiency, clarity and purpose as these magnificent creatures? Are they teaching us how we can live more fulfilling lives? Take a look and let me know what you think.

2. When you tune in to watch, you will be join by 90,000 to 160,000 other humans. It's amazing to me that, in real time, we are all sharing this common experience, wanting to see babies take their first tentative steps across the nest, eat yummy fish innards, and topple over each other as they settle in for a nap. How hopeful and refreshing that we have left behind the insanity of our man-made world for a glimpse into the wonder of the natural world. And, better yet, we are not alone.